It's the Most Depressing Time of the Year

Christmas just a few days away leaves me, to be completely honest, lonely and kinda empty inside.  It has been 10 years since my dad died.  It never gets easier.  I suppose you learn how to deal with the emotions better as the years go on, but it never gets easier.  You never get over it, and the pain never really goes away.  I always think of what dad would say to my kids?  Would they have called him Papa or Grandpa?  Would he have sat in his pajamas all day and played with the kids and they're new toys?  What would he have given them for Christmas?  What would he tell them about Santa?  What stories would he have shared?  The questions and wondering's are endless.  They never go away.  What does go away, is that my memories are fading.  His smell, his laugh, the sound of his voice are all fading.  I find it hard to recall the little things about my dad that I still hold so dear. 

I try to do my best and focus on the happy things, my children and their excitement for instance.  But it's always there in the back of head.  It never leaves, the pain and the missing him, never leaves.  Everyone always says "It's the most wonderful time of the year", but to me, it is the hardest time of the year.

Until next time...

Nursing Elise

Before you read on please note that this may be graphic to some.  I will be discussing breastfeeding in detail.  It's your choice to continue on reading or not...

Breastfeeding has been a challenge at times. Every child is different. As always I have trouble with the first couple weeks with my body getting used to the demands upon it.  My nipples tend to crack and bleed.  On top of that normal issue, Elise and I have trouble with the right side. 

I should mention that I nurse using the football hold.  I have never been able to do any other position well mainly because my breasts are too large.  I can't get a position that doesn't suffocate the baby.  But the football hold works, and I got used to using it with my twins, who were excellent nursers!  I nursed them simultaneously.  They were the easiest nursing experience of all my children.  Oddly enough.

Back to Elise.  For some reason I can never get them to latch right, that is my singletons.  I think maybe I try too hard or something.  :)  If I was busier like with twins maybe it would be less of a challenge.  But nonetheless.  I am determined to nurse this one at least to a year.  Jasperlyn stopped nursing at 9 weeks.  I pumped then for 10 months.  So she got breast milk only until right before her 1st birthday.  But I would really like to just nurse and it not be such a hassle.  So despite a fairly severe tear on my right nipple I'm persevering on.  I am nursing more on the left.  And I am pumping on the right, when i skip a right nursing.

Nonetheless.... this will be an ongoing adventure i am sure....

Until next time...

Ellise

Wow its been forever since I posted last!  So I guess I'll start with Elise.

On November 22, 2010, I woke up with contractions that were very painful around 3:00 am.  Around 7 or so we all headed to Labor and Delivery at St. Mary's Hospital.  Luckily being 2 blocks away makes for a quick trip.  :)  After monitoring me for an hour the nurse came in and said, "Well you are having contractions."  (I love how nurses never believe you and then come and tell you exactly what you have already told them...)  Since according to 1 of my ultrasounds I was due December 9, (although other ultrasounds all pointed to being due November 28, the doc had to go by the December due date just in case).  They decided to go ahead with a c-section even though she would be presumably 3 weeks early. 

For those of you who have never had a c-section I will tell you my story...  First they put an IV in each arm.  Yes that is two IV's.  They take you into a surgical room and have you straddle the bed and lean into as much of a ball as you can.  They have you arch your back like a mad cat.  This is when you get your spinal or epidural.  I got a spinal.  They first gave me a numbing shot prior to the spinal.  And thought the spinal doesn't sting like a shot. It hurts with an odd pressure.  But once its in your whole body goes lax.  In fact, this last time I couldn't talk.  It felt so weird.  My blood pressure dropped and I got sick to my stomach and felt out of body like.  The anesthesiologist told me this was normal.  Then after strapping down my arms and blocking my vision of my lower half they began the surgery and had Paul come in.

At 12:12 pm on November 22, 2010 Elise Christine Roberts was born weighing in at exactly 8 pounds and she was 19 inches.  She screamed and screamed and wouldn't stop till she was right by my face and I was talking to her.  And then she returned to screaming and continued for the entire time she was being cleaned, checked, and observed in the nursery. 

She had swallowed some amniotic fluid so she was monitored for a couple hours before I could have her in my room with me.  I had an emotional yelling spree at the nurses after one of them ignored my breastfeeding request and gave Elise a bottle without my permission.

My hospital stay was much like a vacation.  I love the quiet and naps whenever I felt like.  Room service with any kind of food I wanted.  It was fabulous.  Recovery from this c-section was the easiest yet.  Could have been because this pregnancy had been the most difficult for me.  We were released on Thanksgiving.  On this day Elise weighed in at 7 lbs and 2 ounces. 

At her 2 week check up she weighed 8 lbs and 11 1/2 ounces, and she was 20 inches tall.

Until next time.....

Confused!!!!!!!!!!

So I had an ultrasound yesterday. At first they were scanning the bottom of my belly and said, "It's definitely a boy." Then later they had to switch the scanner and then the tech went straight to the top of my stomach and said, "It's definitely a girl." Then she had someone else come in and verify and they agreed with the first tech. The first picture was a boy, the second a girl. But no one says twins, they just rushed us out of there, and said you'll have another ultrasound before you deliver.... What the heck does that mean?!?! So now I'm freaking out.




On the plus side. The baby or babies are moving A LOT and that makes me happy.

Gardening

Last night we transplanted some flowers and bought some new flowers to plant. The children and I transformed the front yard. Or at least that is the story I am sticking to. :) It does look nice though. Paul helped too. He was trying to mow but never really got it done. ;)



Right now I am trying to figure out lunch. We'll see what I decide... I just watch Kirstie Alley's Big Life. I so love that show! I just love her! Right now I am watching Army Wives. I think I missed some of last season, because in this season premier I am kinda lost... What all Have I missed people??? Maybe I'll tweet this and see what turns up...


Dakota is snoring up a storm.



Wing zone, prime time pizza, jimmy johns, hmmmmmmm.........



Maybe I'll just make something at home....





Loves!
LaRae

The joys of mommyhood

As I write this blog, my 2 year old Jasperlyn is stomping her feet and screaming at me.  Why?  Because she doesn't want to go get her glasses, she wants me to go get them.  However she took them off and left them in the play room, so therefore she can go and get them.  Does this make me a bad mom.  I wonder sometimes. But I am reminded that I am not their assistant.  Children must learn to do these things.  It's not like I am making her fold her clothes at 2.  It's more like she left something and now needs to retrieve the object. This is just one of the joys of mommy hood.

Being pregnant and caring for young children is a challenge in and of itself.  I wonder if this little one growing briskly inside my womb will end up being a little lady or a little man...  Kinda hoping for a little man....

Loves

LaRae