Christmas just a few days away leaves me, to be completely honest, lonely and kinda empty inside. It has been 10 years since my dad died. It never gets easier. I suppose you learn how to deal with the emotions better as the years go on, but it never gets easier. You never get over it, and the pain never really goes away. I always think of what dad would say to my kids? Would they have called him Papa or Grandpa? Would he have sat in his pajamas all day and played with the kids and they're new toys? What would he have given them for Christmas? What would he tell them about Santa? What stories would he have shared? The questions and wondering's are endless. They never go away. What does go away, is that my memories are fading. His smell, his laugh, the sound of his voice are all fading. I find it hard to recall the little things about my dad that I still hold so dear.
I try to do my best and focus on the happy things, my children and their excitement for instance. But it's always there in the back of head. It never leaves, the pain and the missing him, never leaves. Everyone always says "It's the most wonderful time of the year", but to me, it is the hardest time of the year.
Until next time...
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Nursing Elise
Before you read on please note that this may be graphic to some. I will be discussing breastfeeding in detail. It's your choice to continue on reading or not...
Breastfeeding has been a challenge at times. Every child is different. As always I have trouble with the first couple weeks with my body getting used to the demands upon it. My nipples tend to crack and bleed. On top of that normal issue, Elise and I have trouble with the right side.
I should mention that I nurse using the football hold. I have never been able to do any other position well mainly because my breasts are too large. I can't get a position that doesn't suffocate the baby. But the football hold works, and I got used to using it with my twins, who were excellent nursers! I nursed them simultaneously. They were the easiest nursing experience of all my children. Oddly enough.
Back to Elise. For some reason I can never get them to latch right, that is my singletons. I think maybe I try too hard or something. :) If I was busier like with twins maybe it would be less of a challenge. But nonetheless. I am determined to nurse this one at least to a year. Jasperlyn stopped nursing at 9 weeks. I pumped then for 10 months. So she got breast milk only until right before her 1st birthday. But I would really like to just nurse and it not be such a hassle. So despite a fairly severe tear on my right nipple I'm persevering on. I am nursing more on the left. And I am pumping on the right, when i skip a right nursing.
Nonetheless.... this will be an ongoing adventure i am sure....
Until next time...
Breastfeeding has been a challenge at times. Every child is different. As always I have trouble with the first couple weeks with my body getting used to the demands upon it. My nipples tend to crack and bleed. On top of that normal issue, Elise and I have trouble with the right side.
I should mention that I nurse using the football hold. I have never been able to do any other position well mainly because my breasts are too large. I can't get a position that doesn't suffocate the baby. But the football hold works, and I got used to using it with my twins, who were excellent nursers! I nursed them simultaneously. They were the easiest nursing experience of all my children. Oddly enough.
Back to Elise. For some reason I can never get them to latch right, that is my singletons. I think maybe I try too hard or something. :) If I was busier like with twins maybe it would be less of a challenge. But nonetheless. I am determined to nurse this one at least to a year. Jasperlyn stopped nursing at 9 weeks. I pumped then for 10 months. So she got breast milk only until right before her 1st birthday. But I would really like to just nurse and it not be such a hassle. So despite a fairly severe tear on my right nipple I'm persevering on. I am nursing more on the left. And I am pumping on the right, when i skip a right nursing.
Nonetheless.... this will be an ongoing adventure i am sure....
Until next time...
Ellise
Wow its been forever since I posted last! So I guess I'll start with Elise.
On November 22, 2010, I woke up with contractions that were very painful around 3:00 am. Around 7 or so we all headed to Labor and Delivery at St. Mary's Hospital. Luckily being 2 blocks away makes for a quick trip. :) After monitoring me for an hour the nurse came in and said, "Well you are having contractions." (I love how nurses never believe you and then come and tell you exactly what you have already told them...) Since according to 1 of my ultrasounds I was due December 9, (although other ultrasounds all pointed to being due November 28, the doc had to go by the December due date just in case). They decided to go ahead with a c-section even though she would be presumably 3 weeks early.
For those of you who have never had a c-section I will tell you my story... First they put an IV in each arm. Yes that is two IV's. They take you into a surgical room and have you straddle the bed and lean into as much of a ball as you can. They have you arch your back like a mad cat. This is when you get your spinal or epidural. I got a spinal. They first gave me a numbing shot prior to the spinal. And thought the spinal doesn't sting like a shot. It hurts with an odd pressure. But once its in your whole body goes lax. In fact, this last time I couldn't talk. It felt so weird. My blood pressure dropped and I got sick to my stomach and felt out of body like. The anesthesiologist told me this was normal. Then after strapping down my arms and blocking my vision of my lower half they began the surgery and had Paul come in.
At 12:12 pm on November 22, 2010 Elise Christine Roberts was born weighing in at exactly 8 pounds and she was 19 inches. She screamed and screamed and wouldn't stop till she was right by my face and I was talking to her. And then she returned to screaming and continued for the entire time she was being cleaned, checked, and observed in the nursery.
She had swallowed some amniotic fluid so she was monitored for a couple hours before I could have her in my room with me. I had an emotional yelling spree at the nurses after one of them ignored my breastfeeding request and gave Elise a bottle without my permission.
My hospital stay was much like a vacation. I love the quiet and naps whenever I felt like. Room service with any kind of food I wanted. It was fabulous. Recovery from this c-section was the easiest yet. Could have been because this pregnancy had been the most difficult for me. We were released on Thanksgiving. On this day Elise weighed in at 7 lbs and 2 ounces.
At her 2 week check up she weighed 8 lbs and 11 1/2 ounces, and she was 20 inches tall.
Until next time.....
On November 22, 2010, I woke up with contractions that were very painful around 3:00 am. Around 7 or so we all headed to Labor and Delivery at St. Mary's Hospital. Luckily being 2 blocks away makes for a quick trip. :) After monitoring me for an hour the nurse came in and said, "Well you are having contractions." (I love how nurses never believe you and then come and tell you exactly what you have already told them...) Since according to 1 of my ultrasounds I was due December 9, (although other ultrasounds all pointed to being due November 28, the doc had to go by the December due date just in case). They decided to go ahead with a c-section even though she would be presumably 3 weeks early.
For those of you who have never had a c-section I will tell you my story... First they put an IV in each arm. Yes that is two IV's. They take you into a surgical room and have you straddle the bed and lean into as much of a ball as you can. They have you arch your back like a mad cat. This is when you get your spinal or epidural. I got a spinal. They first gave me a numbing shot prior to the spinal. And thought the spinal doesn't sting like a shot. It hurts with an odd pressure. But once its in your whole body goes lax. In fact, this last time I couldn't talk. It felt so weird. My blood pressure dropped and I got sick to my stomach and felt out of body like. The anesthesiologist told me this was normal. Then after strapping down my arms and blocking my vision of my lower half they began the surgery and had Paul come in.
At 12:12 pm on November 22, 2010 Elise Christine Roberts was born weighing in at exactly 8 pounds and she was 19 inches. She screamed and screamed and wouldn't stop till she was right by my face and I was talking to her. And then she returned to screaming and continued for the entire time she was being cleaned, checked, and observed in the nursery.
She had swallowed some amniotic fluid so she was monitored for a couple hours before I could have her in my room with me. I had an emotional yelling spree at the nurses after one of them ignored my breastfeeding request and gave Elise a bottle without my permission.
My hospital stay was much like a vacation. I love the quiet and naps whenever I felt like. Room service with any kind of food I wanted. It was fabulous. Recovery from this c-section was the easiest yet. Could have been because this pregnancy had been the most difficult for me. We were released on Thanksgiving. On this day Elise weighed in at 7 lbs and 2 ounces.
At her 2 week check up she weighed 8 lbs and 11 1/2 ounces, and she was 20 inches tall.
Until next time.....
Friday, July 23, 2010
Confused!!!!!!!!!!
So I had an ultrasound yesterday. At first they were scanning the bottom of my belly and said, "It's definitely a boy." Then later they had to switch the scanner and then the tech went straight to the top of my stomach and said, "It's definitely a girl." Then she had someone else come in and verify and they agreed with the first tech. The first picture was a boy, the second a girl. But no one says twins, they just rushed us out of there, and said you'll have another ultrasound before you deliver.... What the heck does that mean?!?! So now I'm freaking out.
On the plus side. The baby or babies are moving A LOT and that makes me happy.
On the plus side. The baby or babies are moving A LOT and that makes me happy.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Gardening
Last night we transplanted some flowers and bought some new flowers to plant. The children and I transformed the front yard. Or at least that is the story I am sticking to. :) It does look nice though. Paul helped too. He was trying to mow but never really got it done. ;)
Right now I am trying to figure out lunch. We'll see what I decide... I just watch Kirstie Alley's Big Life. I so love that show! I just love her! Right now I am watching Army Wives. I think I missed some of last season, because in this season premier I am kinda lost... What all Have I missed people??? Maybe I'll tweet this and see what turns up...
Dakota is snoring up a storm.
Wing zone, prime time pizza, jimmy johns, hmmmmmmm.........
Maybe I'll just make something at home....
Loves!
LaRae
Right now I am trying to figure out lunch. We'll see what I decide... I just watch Kirstie Alley's Big Life. I so love that show! I just love her! Right now I am watching Army Wives. I think I missed some of last season, because in this season premier I am kinda lost... What all Have I missed people??? Maybe I'll tweet this and see what turns up...
Dakota is snoring up a storm.
Wing zone, prime time pizza, jimmy johns, hmmmmmmm.........
Maybe I'll just make something at home....
Loves!
LaRae
Sunday, April 11, 2010
The joys of mommyhood
As I write this blog, my 2 year old Jasperlyn is stomping her feet and screaming at me. Why? Because she doesn't want to go get her glasses, she wants me to go get them. However she took them off and left them in the play room, so therefore she can go and get them. Does this make me a bad mom. I wonder sometimes. But I am reminded that I am not their assistant. Children must learn to do these things. It's not like I am making her fold her clothes at 2. It's more like she left something and now needs to retrieve the object. This is just one of the joys of mommy hood.
Being pregnant and caring for young children is a challenge in and of itself. I wonder if this little one growing briskly inside my womb will end up being a little lady or a little man... Kinda hoping for a little man....
Loves
LaRae
Being pregnant and caring for young children is a challenge in and of itself. I wonder if this little one growing briskly inside my womb will end up being a little lady or a little man... Kinda hoping for a little man....
Loves
LaRae
Friday, April 9, 2010
Oh Baby!
So I am totally pregnant. This is my fourth pregnancy. First pregnancy back in 2001 ended in a miscarriage at 18 weeks. That was a horrid experience. The twins came in 2006, JO came in 2007. So at least now we have found out how to spread it out a little better. :) I am hoping for another boy this time. We will see... LOL Hoping though. Would love a girl, but kinda prefer a boy... We have one boy and two girls, so it would even things out to have two boys and two girls....
;)
;)
Monday, March 8, 2010
Long overdue update
Wow, long time no post. I am a poor excuse for a Blogger, my apologies. I have been busy! Maya has decided that she wants to do taekwondo too. Which is something that I think would be great for her, so I am happy. Though I hope she will do it. I hope her shyness doesn’t get the best of her. She does seem to be coming out of her shell more and more, so hopefully she will do it. I think it will help that Paul is one of the adults in the kids class now. That way she won’t feel alone so much. At least until she gets more comfortable with the other kids and adults in her class.
School is stressing me out. Not so much that it is hard, because it’s not. At least not the couple classes I am taking right now. But they are tedious. I just don’t feel like doing it. That is just me and my lazy tendencies. If I am not actively learning I am bored. The classes right now feel like common sense. It is hard to stay interested, when you feel like it’s just a chat room….
I have a couple cake orders this month. I found a real yummy homemade chocolate cake recipe I plan on using. We tested and it was super good. I am going to try a white cake recipe too. Hopefully it is as successful.
I will post pictures of the cakes when they are done. I’ll post some of my other work soon as well.
School is stressing me out. Not so much that it is hard, because it’s not. At least not the couple classes I am taking right now. But they are tedious. I just don’t feel like doing it. That is just me and my lazy tendencies. If I am not actively learning I am bored. The classes right now feel like common sense. It is hard to stay interested, when you feel like it’s just a chat room….
I have a couple cake orders this month. I found a real yummy homemade chocolate cake recipe I plan on using. We tested and it was super good. I am going to try a white cake recipe too. Hopefully it is as successful.
I will post pictures of the cakes when they are done. I’ll post some of my other work soon as well.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
The Droid
Woke up at 4:15 am this morning to our daughters ages 2 & 4 jumping into our bed. Now this bed is basically the size of a full size bed. So not so much room. So I got up and went to the gym. Did my workouts. My knee is still messed up from slipping on the ice. I really think I messed it up. I could only do 20 minutes on the elliptical, whereas usually I do 45 minutes. But haven't been able to since I fell. Errr! I need to get back into the swing of working my butt off. It's hard when you can't exercise as hard as I want to. But I'm not gaining I am just not loosing at the pace I would like to.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Nap time after the War of Banana's
Oh how I love nap time. The joys of mommy's quite time is so a necessity! Today we had the war of banana's. Here is how it all started. So we had banana's as a snack today. The 4 year olds (Mason & Maya) got a whole banana. Everyone else (Jasperlyn 2, Brooklynn 1, Kadence 1) received a half. Kadence immediately shoves the entire 4 inches of banana all the way in her mouth and takes Jasperlyn's. Jasperlyn begins to scream. I give Jasperlyn another half, when I get back in the room Kadence has no evidence of banana. I ask her if she wants more, and she says yes. I go in the kitchen, as soon as I leave the room I hear Jasperlyn screaming again. I go in and Jasperlyn is on the floor, Brooklynn and Kadence each have a piece of Jasperlyn's banana. Which Brooklynn throws and runs to the time out chair as soon as she sees me. I leave the room again and come back to replenish the banana's for everyone. They all eat their pieces under my vigilant supervision. War averted... And yes if you are keeping count. Jasperlyn got half a banana, Mason got a whole one, Maya got a whole one, Brooklynn got 1 and 1/4, Kadence got 1 3/4. All ended up happy so that is what matters. And it is nap time! And so now I must exercise and do my homework. Nap time will be over before I even realize I am sure. Hoping for a continued peace treaty, do not need war of the Spaghetti O’s in 2 hours…
Friday, February 5, 2010
Love having a laptop so that I can sit in the play room and do my school work...or play on the internet like right now, typing up a new blog. So wonderful! I really thing the more I exercise and the more weight I lose the better my patience is and the more my energy grows.
I love to exercise. Especially at Snap. I love that gym, it has all the equiptment. It's still small enough that you pretty much know everyone that is there. It is very comfortable to feel like you aren't in a gym filled with strangers, instead you are there with friends and work out buddies. I only wish they had a free day care there for members so that I could take the kids and go...That would be perfect! But I'll take what I can get.
I need to find a happy medium with all the things in my life. i need to figure out how to keep myself destressed. I do so well and then I just lose it. I don't know why I let my self get so stressed that I just have to go work out or I feel as though I may die. Maybe it depends on how much I burn. The more I burn the more the destressing works, maybe...
Jasperlyn seems to be potty trained so that is nice. Not too bad for being 13 months old. Yeah! No more diapers! Super duper! Now I just have to get the kids I babysit for to stop with diapers. Earlier this week I walked upstairs to get the 1 year old twin girls I babysit for up from nap and one of them had removed her diaper, this is not too unusual. But this time it was full of poop! Se had smeared poop everywhere. I took her downstairs put her in the bath tub and gave her a shower. She didn't like it much, but it's the best and easiest way to get a poop covered baby sucessfully cleaned! Now both girls nap in diapers that have been securely wrapped with ducktape!
I love to exercise. Especially at Snap. I love that gym, it has all the equiptment. It's still small enough that you pretty much know everyone that is there. It is very comfortable to feel like you aren't in a gym filled with strangers, instead you are there with friends and work out buddies. I only wish they had a free day care there for members so that I could take the kids and go...That would be perfect! But I'll take what I can get.
I need to find a happy medium with all the things in my life. i need to figure out how to keep myself destressed. I do so well and then I just lose it. I don't know why I let my self get so stressed that I just have to go work out or I feel as though I may die. Maybe it depends on how much I burn. The more I burn the more the destressing works, maybe...
Jasperlyn seems to be potty trained so that is nice. Not too bad for being 13 months old. Yeah! No more diapers! Super duper! Now I just have to get the kids I babysit for to stop with diapers. Earlier this week I walked upstairs to get the 1 year old twin girls I babysit for up from nap and one of them had removed her diaper, this is not too unusual. But this time it was full of poop! Se had smeared poop everywhere. I took her downstairs put her in the bath tub and gave her a shower. She didn't like it much, but it's the best and easiest way to get a poop covered baby sucessfully cleaned! Now both girls nap in diapers that have been securely wrapped with ducktape!
Thursday, February 4, 2010
blah
Here it is Thursday. Just another day. I am supposed to go to a 31 gifts party tonight. But of course all the kids are sick. I also haven't just been home doing nothing in like ever! I feel stretched thin. It's like time is flying by and I can't catch up.
Last night we all went to Olive Garden. The kids love that place. Not to mention that Paul and I love that place too!
Last night we all went to Olive Garden. The kids love that place. Not to mention that Paul and I love that place too!
Monday, February 1, 2010
The weigh in
Well today is the big weigh in day… Ugh. I wish I had more to show for it. I am not quitting of course. In 70 pounds I will be at a “normal” weight. That will be where I want to stay. I want to be healthy and happy. I want to live a long life with lots of joy filled memories. I want to be a better Christian, mother, teacher, student, home keeper, etc. There is so much that I want to accomplish, I hope to keep it as real and honest as possible. I want to see constant improvement in my life and feel the joy of others that I can help and be there form I hope that my life will be a joyous help to others.
I need to get a new a new phone. Mine just keeps randomly shutting off. It is an enV3. It is driving me crazy! I don’t know what to replace it with or what. But something needs to be done.
I need to get a new a new phone. Mine just keeps randomly shutting off. It is an enV3. It is driving me crazy! I don’t know what to replace it with or what. But something needs to be done.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Poor puppy!
Another day has come and gone and I am here still. That is a good thing. I did not sleep good last night. I was so worried about the poor cold pit bull that has claimed our back yard I wish that he would go back home, so I wouldn’t worry about him so much. I know he has to have a home because he is well fed and seems taken care of. Plus he keeps trying to get into our house. He gets along great with Dakota but I am not gonna risk the kids around a stray I don’t know that well. I don’t wanna call animal control because they will just put him to sleep. Poor puppy!
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Saturdays
I am so ready for this weight loss competition. I am ready to just live healthy and not worry so much about actual weight loss. I am fasting today, hope that it brings me into a closer relationship with my God. I am praying for the heatlh of my family and that we all find the joy in life that is already there for us to have.
I wonder what the Daily Devo is in my womens study bible today?.....
The one I'm doing today is Matthew 26:36-46. It's about Trust and Confidence. Excited!
Exercise has really become an obsession of mine. I find it so relaxing and freeing. That point when you begin to sweat and you feel that tingling cool, ah, I love that. I need it. It's an addiction. I have to have more than one fix of exercise at least every day! I love to go to the gym. The elliptical is like my bestest friend ever. I just love it. There is no comparrison or replacment for it. I guess if you are gonna be addicted to anything this is the thing to be addicted to! I have started doing 30 minutes on treadmill every morning prior to breakfast, thanks to the suggestion of my mother-in-law. Thanks mom! It starts my day off great. It's like a morning pick me up! Love it!
I have all my homeschooling supplies, they make me real excited and nervous all at once. It is such a responsibility to take over my children's education. But at the same time it is really the best for my kids. They will get one on one attention. They will be able to learn at their own pace. Whether that be faster or slower than public school curriculum. They are going to be doing Bible, Numbers, Writing, Reading, Skill, Social Studies, History. How many other 2 and 3 year olds do you know having all of that work put into them. Thethrilling thing is, they are ready for all this. They are so far ahead than other children their age in what they know. It Is going to be hard, no doubt. But it will also be exciting.
I wonder what the Daily Devo is in my womens study bible today?.....
The one I'm doing today is Matthew 26:36-46. It's about Trust and Confidence. Excited!
Exercise has really become an obsession of mine. I find it so relaxing and freeing. That point when you begin to sweat and you feel that tingling cool, ah, I love that. I need it. It's an addiction. I have to have more than one fix of exercise at least every day! I love to go to the gym. The elliptical is like my bestest friend ever. I just love it. There is no comparrison or replacment for it. I guess if you are gonna be addicted to anything this is the thing to be addicted to! I have started doing 30 minutes on treadmill every morning prior to breakfast, thanks to the suggestion of my mother-in-law. Thanks mom! It starts my day off great. It's like a morning pick me up! Love it!
I have all my homeschooling supplies, they make me real excited and nervous all at once. It is such a responsibility to take over my children's education. But at the same time it is really the best for my kids. They will get one on one attention. They will be able to learn at their own pace. Whether that be faster or slower than public school curriculum. They are going to be doing Bible, Numbers, Writing, Reading, Skill, Social Studies, History. How many other 2 and 3 year olds do you know having all of that work put into them. Thethrilling thing is, they are ready for all this. They are so far ahead than other children their age in what they know. It Is going to be hard, no doubt. But it will also be exciting.
Friday, January 29, 2010
New laptop or notebook or both?
So I dropped a fortune at Best Buy today. Paul got his new laptop. Now that he is going to be preaching every Sunday, he needs to be able to do his sermons and other such things via a laptop. I got me a cute little notebook to do my homework, blog, twitter, facebook, and other such things without having to use Paul's. :)
I think it was necessary, however, it was way more money than I had planned on spending.... ugh!
Now to exercise or not to exercise. I should, right? But I am tired and burnt out from the spending spree...hmmmm....probably will end up going anyway. I am an addict when it comes to exercise. I have only had one "fix" today, gonna need another...probably.
I think it was necessary, however, it was way more money than I had planned on spending.... ugh!
Now to exercise or not to exercise. I should, right? But I am tired and burnt out from the spending spree...hmmmm....probably will end up going anyway. I am an addict when it comes to exercise. I have only had one "fix" today, gonna need another...probably.
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